I remember growing up and having lessons on hope. I never could get it. I specifically remember feeling so much
frustration that I couldn’t quite get it.
It seemed so obvious to me it was like, DUH, why are we talking about
this; people breathe we don’t need to be taught to breathe, why are we being
taught about hope? I think as a child I
had so much hope I couldn’t quite understand why we talked about it or what we
were suppose to learn about it. It was
such a part of life for me. It is ironic
to me that learning about hope now in my life is probably one of the most
profound learning experiences of my life.
Let me explain a little.
I am not really sure where to start. My purpose in writing this blog is to bring
others closer to Christ, by sharing my own experiences of coming closer to
Christ myself. Sometimes when you’re in
the midst of a hard trial it’s not very enlightening or edifying to hear
someone talk about it! So I have not
felt able to write anything. I feel so
sad that I didn’t write the first 2 years of our mission when we were in a
little spiritual bubble, protected from the cares of the world, and felt so
filled and full of the spirit constantly. I had so much I could have written
about. It would have been easier and
less vulnerable for me. But I am doing
it now so I have to be grateful for what I am doing and not wishing for something
else. But the contrast is HUGE. Life now feels like we are being hit from all
sides and I feel vulnerable and exposed when writing because of all we are
going through. But I still feel
compelled to write, so I’ll keep trying.
The reality of life can be hard and painful and it hurts to
face trial and pain without the spirit’s healing power, buffering strength or
calm assurance. I have learned so much
about how investigators feel, missionary’s feel and God’s children feel when
they face things on their own without the power of God being carried by the
spirit to help them.
I think sometimes God carries us and I think sometimes we
are allowed to feel the full force of life being thrown at us. I don’t know if it’s God’s way of teaching us
so sometimes he retreats, or if we do it to ourselves by drawing away from Him because
of pain and hurt. I suspect when I am in
the middle of it I think God has abandoned me, but when I get humble, repent,
and ask God to change my heart, I can see that I allowed fear, doubt,
negativity, and pain to take me away from God.
I do know opposition teaches a lot. You know I love the doctrine of opposition, 2
Nephi 2: Feeling the difference teaches.
So I have been having my ups and downs. Someday I have felt carried and lifted, and
some days it hits me and I can’t seem to get past the pain. I won’t go into a lot of details but it has
to do with going home, facing our yard after 3 years of renters, moving,
finances, the reality of job hunting when were old, my mom and dad’s health,
and Nathan and Jordan’s painful experiences.
Coming out on this mission was a real change of life in every way, but
it wasn’t hard, it felt like so much meaning and purpose being led to that
point in our lives. Going home is
changing our life in every way, but it feels like it’s more picking up the
pieces of our life. Not quite so
meaningful. We are so happy to re-new
relationships with family and friends and that will be a bright spot.
So I tried to make that short, hope that was ok to express. But now I want to share how the doctrine of
hope has changed me and is helping me get past my fear and pain. I was feeling really strong for about a month,
a while ago. I thought the Lord had
gotten me through; I had learned some fantastic things and felt the spirit in
my heart confirm that everything would be fine in the end. Then I let some little negative thinking in,
some fear in, some doubt and confusion in.
I found myself at rock bottom almost instantly. It think when you’re
kind of fragile any little negative things can pull the rug out from under
you. Like: “I can’t see the way God
sees, I can’t see how our prayers were answered, I can’t see blessings, I can’t
see how this can turn to our profit and learning”. These little negative thoughts can open the flood
gates. I can’t really express the pain, I just know I had no idea how painful
pain could be until this last year of my life.
I feel so much more compassion for others pain now.
Anyway my good and inspired husband wanted to teach the doctrine
of hope for MLC at the beginning of the month.
I read the talk he wanted us to teach from. It was inspiring. Then I listened to it while I followed along
with the words. It hit my heart
powerfully. We taught it and I was
changed completely. I studied it again
the next day and felt even more inspired.
Then I read it again 2 days ago so I could record some of the points in
my study journal. I have never felt more
changed by a talk in my life. I am so
grateful for Elder Uchtdorf and his amazing inspiration.
Also I studied Alma 58:10,11. And understood faith and hope are gifts that
the Lord blesses us when we pray for it.
He can speak peace to our souls and that is what He has done for me. I feel at peace. I can quiet my mind and trust my heart that
everything will be ok and work out. Once
again I feel He has strengthened me and I feel I can have courage and hope for
the future no matter what it is. Going
toward God is always the right answer!
Here are some of the things I learned about hope:
HOPE is an Infinite Power.
Infinite means without limit or boundary. So hopes power is without limit or
boundary. Hope has the power to change our attitude, outlook, perspective,
thoughts, and feelings. Hope works against the natural man inside of us.
Faith overcomes fear, Hope overcomes despair. We must overcome the temptation to lose
hope. (I have never thought about losing
hope as a temptation. But it is. It is what the natural man pulls at us to
do.)
Hope leads to peace,
mercy, rejoicing and gladness. Hope
is the foundation of faith; an anchor to our souls. Doubt and despair lead to the temptation to lose
hope. Despair binds hearts and minds in
darkness. Despair drains us of vibrance,
joy and leaves us empty! Despair kills
ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul and deadens the heart. It’s so true, despair kills everything, hope
brings life.
Hope encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the
loving care of Heavenly Father. Hope is the
abiding trust that God will fulfill promises.
It is believing and expecting our
prayers to be answered. It is manifest
in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm and patient perseverance. I know that is so true. Hope brings patience to bear afflictions. Hope brings joy.
No matter how bleak this chapter in our life is, we may hope
and be assured the book’s ending will exceed our grandest expectations because
of Christ.
Everyone will go through discouragement and difficulty and the
darkness can seem unbearable- but divine
gospel principles we hope in can uphold us until we walk in the light again.
True hope is centered in: 1. Jesus Christ. 2. The goodness of God. 3. Manifestations of the Holy Spirit. 4. Knowledge that prayers are heard and
answered. When we don’t have hope in
these 4 things life can be filled with darkness and despair. Hope is a choice! We can believe and trust in these 4 things,
or not. When we do it changes
everything. That is my testimony.
In times of distress
we can hold tightly to the hope that things will “work together for our good.”
Faith, Hope and Charity are like a 3 legged stool. Disobedience, disappointments and procrastination
erode faith. Hope upholds faith. (I thought a lot about why he said
procrastination erodes hope. I think it’s
because faith leads to hope, hope leads to action, and action leads to personal
knowledge and witness of the truthfulness of the thing you had faith in. It’s like a circle. Procrastination is inactivity so no witness
is gained and hope is distinguished.)
Frustration and impatience challenges charity, but hope
braces our resolve and urges us to love without expectation of reward. The brighter our hope the greater our
faith. The stronger our hope, the purer
our charity.
Here is Elder Uchtdorf’s talk in a link. Listen to it, it is so good. Print a copy of it and mark it up as you
follow along. There are so many good
things in it:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/the-infinite-power-of-hope?lang=eng
Love You.
Thank you for your testimony! It is very inspiring!
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